On a freezing Thirsty Thursday, Sir Dino, Patton Oswalt and Bert Kreischer get absolutely hammered when they can’t get any work done before the start of the #daylightsavings weekend because a punisher of a winter storm is causing intermittent Internet:
Sir Dino McRex, the time traveling dinosaur, gazes upon the house with his ancient reptilian eyes, taking in the beige horizontal siding that flutters slightly in the gusting winds of this early winter Thursday afternoon. “Holy dino balls! This is some ridiculous cold for this time of year! I can’t feel my extremities anymore!”, he exclaims, his scaly tail swishing with frustration.
Beside him, Patton Oswalt, the modern-day human, is equally frustrated. His arms are crossed, and he’s tapping his foot impatiently. “I can’t believe this! I have so much work to do before Daylight Savings kicks in, and this darn cold snap is messing with the internet connection!”, he grumbles.
His towering height giving him a better view of the situation, Sir Dino notices the two cables running along the wall, the first attached to a junction box and the second to the siding. “It appears the winds from this punishing storm are disturbing these primitive communication lines! That would explain the intermittent internet!”, he roars.
Patton, looking up at the two windows, one closed against the cold and the other defiantly open in spite of the brisk outdoor conditions, says, “ i’m tired of sitting around, getting no work done! I can’t even watch any movies, and I’ve already read all of my new comic books! Perhaps we could climb out of that window to tie down the loose internet cables?”
The shivering dinosaur nods in agreement, his massive head bobbing up and down, but just as they are about to concoct a plan, they hear someone approaching from the front side of the house.
The comedian Bert Kreischer walks around the corner, daringly shirtless as usual considering the insanely frigid temperatures, with a laptop in one hand and a bottle of tequila in the other. “Hey guys, is your internet working? I can’t upload my videos to YouTube!”, he exclaims.
Towering over Bert, Sir Dino responds, “The arctic winds of winter have conspired against us, fellow human! Our internet is as extinct as my brethren!”
Rolling his eyes at Sir Dino’s dramatics, Patton interjects, “Yeah, the internet’s out. You’re going to have to get your pornography fix from a magazine… like a caveman.”
Bert mischievously smiles as he raises the bottle of tequila. “Well, since it’s almost the weekend and we can’t get any work done, how about we get a head start and get totally hammered? This should get the ball rolling!”
Sir Dino’s eyes widen, and he exclaims, “In the Jurassic period, we did not have this thing you call ‘tequila’, but I am eager to partake in your modern ritual!”
Patton, resigned to the fact that he is not going to get any work done, shrugs and says, “Why not? It’s too cold to do anything else.”
The trio, the time traveling dinosaur and the frustrated modern-day comedians, one fully clothed and the other shirtless, huddle inside the house. They start taking shots of tequila, laughing and sharing stories from different eras.
As the night progresses, they get more and more inebriated. Sir Dino starts telling tales of the dinosaurs, Patton shares his frustrations about modern technology and Bert keeps them entertained with his wild stories.
Suddenly, Patton has a misguided idea. “Guys, aren’t we supposed to be changing the clocks or something?” He grabs all the clocks in the house and haphazardly lays them out onto the floor.
Stumbling and staggering about, Sir Dino, with his giant claws, and Bert, with his tequila-fueled energy, join in. They set all the clocks to bizarrely different times – some of them off by a few minutes, some of them off by several hours, but none of them close to the actual time. They continue to drink and laugh while they play with the clocks until they all blackout.
The next morning, still stuck with the intermittent internet connection, they wake up sprawled out on the floor to a house full of clocks showing different times with a vague memory of the night’s escapades and a renewed appreciation for the pros and cons of hard liquor. Particularly the cons as they rub their eyes and hold their throbbing heads in their hands.
And so, looking at the jumble of clocks and the empty liquor bottles, Sir Dino McRex roars with laughter and exclaims, “Time is but a construct!” Patton Oswalt and Bert Kreischer join in the laughter. They decide to make the most of the day, regardless of what time the clocks say, and vow to remember the night they shared with a time traveling dinosaur and a bottle or two of tequila.
