Who ate the f#@%ing cookies? Sir Dino and Patton Oswalt sit down to coffee and Chips Ahoy cookies, only to find the Foo Fighters and Butch Vig, wearing creepy costumes, have eaten everything and vomited cookie crumbs onto Jefferson’s version of the Bible.
In a quaint living room adorned with relics from the Jurassic era, Sir Dino McRex, the time traveling dinosaur, and his witty human companion, Patton Oswalt, eagerly plop down on a cozy couch. The room is filled with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, and the duo is ready to indulge in their favorite pastime – watching reruns of classic sitcoms.
Sir Dino, taking a break for a well-deserved holiday, is an intrepid explorer with a penchant for time travel and modern-day snacks. Patton, with a sharp sense of humor, is the perfect companion for Sir Dino’s adventures, as well as an esteemed pop culture authority and all around good guy.
The television flickers to life, and Sir Dino reaches for the pack of Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookies with his tiny arms. But alas! The pack is almost empty! Sir Dino lets out a roar that shakes the very fabric of time, “By the Triceratops’ horns! Who ate the f#@%ing cookies?”
A look of disbelief on his face, Patton exclaims, “This is a cookie heist of unbelievably rude proportions!”
The two friends contemplate their options now that their plans for the evening have been so unpleasantly sabotaged. And then to their surprise, the digital clock on the table, which stands guard over an iPad and the empty cookie tray, signals “10:15 PM” just at the very moment that they hear a strange, agonized moaning from the next room. They tiptoe towards the source of the sound with a mix of curiosity and trepidation.
As they open the door, they are met with a sight that could only be described as bizarrely historic. The Foo Fighters and Butch Vig are in the room, dressed in the creepiest Halloween costumes imaginable. Dave Grohl is dressed as a ghostly pirate, Nate Mendel as a mummy and Butch Vig is donning a vampire outfit. They are surrounded by what appears to be cookie crumb vomit.
Sir Dino exclaims, “By the Pterodactyl’s wings! What sorcery is this?”
Patton, trying to make sense of the scene, says, “Guys, what happened here?”
Dave Grohl, looking pale, responds, “We were on our way to a Halloween costume party and just couldn’t resist the smell of those chocolate chip cookies, but we ate too many and…well, you can see the result.”
But what catches Sir Dino’s eye is that amidst the cookie crumb puke, there lies a copy of Thomas Jefferson’s version of the Bible, a souvenir from his escapades through time, now tarnished by the unfortunate incident. With a tear in his eye, he carefully steps over the chocolate chip studded mess and laments, “That, my friends, is a relic from the annals of human history! The greatest story ever told… but without all the miracles!”
Suddenly, Dave stands up and raises his hands. The room starts to vibrate with the energy of rock and roll. The air is thick with anticipation.
Dave, with a solemn voice, exclaims, “Through the power of atheism and ass-kicking rock, I shall undo this calamity!”
A blinding light envelops the room as the sound of electric guitars and drums fill the air. The cookie crumb vomit starts to swirl and transform, and in a flash, it turns into a bottle of Jack Daniels. The room falls silent as everyone stares at the transfigured bottle in awe.
Sir Dino nods with approval and declares, “The spirits of rock have spoken.”
Patton, still in disbelief, manages to say, “This is the most epic night in the history of nights.”
They all decide to sit down, share the Jack Daniels and talk about music, history and the magic that binds all beings through time.
And thus, an unexpected night turned into a legendary tale that Sir Dino McRex and Patton Oswalt would recount for generations to come. The night when rock, history and a time traveling dinosaur came together to create a magical adventure, was forever etched in the annals of time, as the most epic cookie heist turned rock odyssey.
